It was an unexpected set of circumstances that lead me up the hill today. A day of cancelled appointments became a day resembling a blank page calling out to be drawn upon. I had more energy than yesterday, so I decided to put it to good use.
My nose lead me to Chanctonbury Ring. An iron age hill fort. For some weeks now I have been eyeing it up as a personal challenge, could I make it to the top? and today was the day. Conditions were perfect for my little pilgrimage: It feels like spring is in the air. I hear the birds, as I begin the climb and leave the commotion of the road behind me.
Although the incline is gentle, it’s long. At least, it feels long. One step at a time, until, finally, I come out up on the level, through the wood and high above the road looking north across the patchwork plains of Sussex.
The view is the reward. That and the knowledge that I made it to the top. Brilliant. And then Doris hit me. Wow, what a force, even her coat tails. Buffeting me sideways. Diagaonal-walking where I don’t want to go. The wind and air rattling through my brain with vigour and life and vitatilty, blowing the cobwebs away. Cleansing negativity. Stuckness. Staleness. There on the brow of my own personal mountain I feel all the elements, the air , water, fire and earth envelop me in the spirit of being alive. I’d made it. And nothing could knock me. Not even Doris.
In yoga, there is a pose called tadasana which translates in Sanskrit to mountain pose.(Those of you who know Chanctonbury will know it isn’t a mountain in any way shape or form, more of a big hill, technically speaking).
To all appearances the posture is just standing: feet together, hands by your sides. But the simplicity of its execution, belies the potency of its teaching. For what the mountain teaches us, is to stand on our own to feet, to stand up for what one believes in, and stability. It is the posture which represents where heaven and earth meet within us. The mountain teaches us about our aspirations our hopes and dreams, and just how hard it is to achieve them. What an arduous climb it can all feel like sometimes, just as you take a step forward you stumble, and take two steps back. The summit: your goal can seem so far out of reach. Yet, the mountain also teaches us, that with belief, faith, persistence, determination, courage, failure, effort, resilience we can reach the summit. We can plant the flag. We can survey the view.
As I walked among the trees, I remembered the last time I was here. Now I come to think of it, it was probably exactly a year before I received my diagnosis. Strange. We had just come back from an incredible pilgrimage across ancient and sacred sites of these lands, walking with our wonderful friends from Mexico and the Huichol tribe. And had come to make an offering up there on the ring.
Today, the memory of that time BC (before cancer) when I didn’t know what I know now, awakens the ghosts of my memories of that day. I can see us all there, sitting with the trees, finding four leaf clovers, the evening autumn sun descending over the sea. I can smell the memory, the love and joy of that moment. It both saddens and fills me with gratitude.
Today, I have another offering. I just want to say, thank you for my life, with the wind and earth and sun and sea as my witness.
Life continues to be an unexplored road, and, like the Fool, a step off the cliff into the unknown, perchance to fly.
12 Comments Add yours
Leah you are truly inspiring, your descriptions are breathtaking. I so wish I knew you personally.
I hope you are ok, lots of people are sending their best wishes and energy to help you. Lots of love ❤️ x
I know Chanctonbury quite well and I too have spent uncountable hours with Shadow (my Dalmatian) clearing my head, breathing the fresh air and feeling on top of the mountain. Chanctonbury for sure has something healing for me personally………. x
Oh my Leah the power of your words the articulation you bring to your path and the joy and sadness in your intonation are beyond all measure of words. I wish I could take this mantle off you but I do think you have been given a gift though and it is to share a visceral and deeper understanding of the human spirit. You are a Warrior beautiful Leah and I continue to salute you xxxx
Beautiful 💜 And strong
Beautiful words. Thank you for sharing your challenge and achievement today. Your appreciation of life is humbling, grounding and so fresh and true xx Namaste Leah 🙏 ❤
Beautiful and inspiring, just like you 💟 much love and gratitude xx
Thank you for taking the time to post this – it connected me to such a sweet spot of goodness, and goaded me to get out more into nature!!! Just had an mri due to some pain today, and don’t know if I have metastasized or just have some weird, lingering soreness. Your post, added to the great relief in just coming home and cooking a new treat, solidified how, whatever is going on, I can have great days and how wonderful that is! You’re still my partner in c…thank you!!
Beautiful and inspiring.X
Went to yoga class this morning stood in Tadasana pose & your words flowed through me 😊
What a beautiful soul you are
Jan 🙏 Namaste
Try CBD or Ozone. There are loads of
YouTube videos. Bob Beck, Rick Simpson.
Leah ( I will never think of you as Leah), I want to get in touch. I found out by an email from Tim in New Zealand.
Hi Sarah, pm me on fb xx